When Parents Are Too Critical

For the most part, my students are blessed with incredibly supportive parents, siblings, and other family members…many of whom accompany them to their lessons and cheer them on before and afterwards.

And while I very much appreciate that parents are not just cheerleaders — they are also responsible for setting expectations and enforcing regular practice — it makes me sad to hear from students that their parents have criticized them as being “no good”, “untalented” and used other negative language regarding their musical skill.

As a teacher, how do you deal with the repercussions of this?

When this situation has come up in my studio (and unfortunately, it has on several occasions), I take action in two different ways: first with the student, and then with the parent(s). My first priority is validating my student as a musician, which I do by pointing out his or her progress, highlighting particular skill areas, and reassuring that everyone has room to grow, and will continue do so at his or her own pace.

If a student shares with me that he or she has received overly critical feedback at home, I never bring that up in my conversations or correspondence with parents. I simply make it a point to repeat the validation I’ve given my student, either in my weekly lesson summary email or via phone.

It is extremely important as a teacher to keep the lines of communication open with students’ families. While I don’t see all of them face-to-face each week (in fact, many parents drop their students off and I never see them at all), I do make sure to keep them abreast of progress, specific goals, and most importantly, successes. This has proven to be the best method of dealing with critical parents without overstepping my boundaries.

What are your strategies for dealing with negative criticism on the home front?